i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
