dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
