She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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