I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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