I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
