in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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