if you like me you must not know who I am
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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