Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
