you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
