booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
