I think my vagina is haunted
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
