whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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