uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
