Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Shame is for Republicans.
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