9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
