I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
