I feel like I'm in dance class right now
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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