He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
