I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
