you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
