I wish I could teleport
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
