i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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