I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We are two peas in an std pod
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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