Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
