There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
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