just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
