we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
