Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
