you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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