She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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