My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
