i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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