I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
