When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
