Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
