Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
