You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
