oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
