Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
