Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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