my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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