I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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