People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
We named our party play list daddy issues
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
