fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
