I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
