yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
