So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
