I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize