I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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