I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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