What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize