I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
