do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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