you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
