I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We are all done wearing pants today
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
