Where is the hickey?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
