dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
