did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
