Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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