she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
