I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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