At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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