I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
