he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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