When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
