Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
how drunk are you?
Several
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
