just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Welp...herpes.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
