You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
