No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
