I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
