i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize