i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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