Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
