Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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