Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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