a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
