he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
