he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
