Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize