i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
