Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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