My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
