Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
BRING THE BAGELS
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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