In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
