I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
