you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
