My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We have so much sex to catch up on
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
