$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
