He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
