Swine flu. Run for my life!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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