Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
