I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
