time to smoke my breakfast
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
then he tried to convert me to islam
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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