he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
